


a sudden painful joy

by spendeonswithyou



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: M/M, Nightmares, it starts a little angsty but i promise it gets more fluffy soon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 11:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7932139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spendeonswithyou/pseuds/spendeonswithyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There were so many things he once considered impossible, that now became habits, a great, inevitable part of his life.<br/>The thing is, sometimes Neil had to get used to the bad things as well. He wished he didn’t have to consider Andrew being woken up by nightmares as something regular, yet it still happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a sudden painful joy

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm pretty new to this fandom, so I'm sure I didn't get characters' voices quite right - sorry if they are too ooc. But I need more andreil in my life, so I guess that has to do.  
> The title is from Murder in the Cathedral by T. S. Eliot.

  


__  
This is one moment  
But know that another  
Shall pierce you with  
a sudden painful joy  
  
\- T. S. Eliot  


Over the years Neil spent in Palmetto State, there were many things he got used to, things that he never before expected to experience in his life on run.  


Somehow, he got used to being cared about. After all these years, he finally found a family, he found a home, and that still amazed him each time he glanced at the Foxes. Having someone he could trust was something that scared him not a long time ago, but now he knew he could share anything with his teammates.  


He got used to sitting on a rooftop, to the smoke in his lungs and to the calming presence of Andrew. He got used to their yes or no, and to the fact that the answer may wary, depending on the day.  


There were so many things he once considered impossible, that now became habits, a great, inevitable part of his life.  


The thing is, sometimes Neil had to get used to the bad things as well. He wished he didn’t have to consider Andrew being woken up by nightmares as something regular, yet it still happened.  


Sometimes he heard Andrew toss and turn on the other side of their bed, sometimes it was a silent gasp for air, a non-existent whisper. He always did what he could, but many times it was not enough, and Neil also had to accept that.  


One night, when Neil was sleepless, he could tell that Andrew was definitely not okay, having one of his nightmares. Neil knew better than to touch him when he was in that state, so he just said a soft “Andrew”, and when there was no reaction, he repeated it, louder and steadier. It was enough to wake Andrew up, gasping for breath, obviously shaken. In the middle of the night, with Neil by his side, he didn’t have to pretend.  


They just laid there for a few minutes, Andrew’s breath becoming calmer, until Neil broke the silence.  


“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.  


“Better,” Andrew’s voice was hoarse and he still looked anything but fine, but Neil did not comment on that.  


“Do you want to talk about it?”  


“No.” Neil knew Andrew would tell him if he wanted to, so he did not push, letting the silence fall between them once again. He thought Andrew would go to sleep now, but he could still feel him laying on his back and staring at the ceiling. After a few minutes, when he felt himself starting to drift off a little, he heard Andrew’s voice again.  


“Yes or no?”  


Neil was not sure what Andrew wanted to do, but he already knew the answer. It was always the same for him.  


“Yes.”  


Neil felt Andrew shift on the bed as he faced him, and, after a while, pillowed his head on Neil’s chest, right above his heart, so that he could hear the steady beat of it. He let Neil put an arm around his middle, and they just laid there like that, wrapped around each other.  


This kind of affection was rare between them. Neil never asked for it, and Andrew didn’t engage it often. It was unusual of him to take comfort in someone’s touch, but over the years Neil knew that sometimes his presence itself was calming for Andrew. Not always, but 

Neil never demanded that much and was happy whenever he was able comfort Andrew in some way.  


Soon, he could feel Andrew falling asleep; Neil was short to follow. 

The next day, Neil woke up before Andrew did, which usually didn’t happen. He realized it was pretty early, so his first thought was to go for a run before their morning practice, but in the end he decided to stay in the bed. He noticed that Andrew was still partially laying on him, his head on his chest and their legs tangled; Neil knew any kind of movement would wake him up, and he didn’t want to do that, since Andrew looked peaceful in his sleep and he wanted that to last.  


Perhaps it was in the silence surrounding them, or maybe in the way the sunlight appeared on Andrew’s face after some time. Maybe both, or maybe so much more, but Neil realized that he loved him, as cheesy as it sounds. It wasn’t sudden or unexpected, it wasn’t new. He could tell it’s always been there, dim at first, in the back of his mind, growing stronger and bigger as the days passed. And now, as he looked at Andrew, he just felt like he put a name to something he already knew, but never dared to explore.  


It seemed like a fair thing to say it out loud, even if only to try the taste of the words on his tongue, even if there was no one there to hear that. And he did, his “I love you” being barely a whisper, seeming like something almost forbidden, foreign, yet still there. Like a secret.  


He didn’t expect Andrew to immediately open his eyes, glaring at him.  


“Say it again,” he said, his voice emotionless.  


“I love you,” Neil repeated, because there was no point in taking anything back.  


“Again.”  


“I love you.”  


When Andrew didn’t say anything for a while, just looking at him, Neil decided to break the silence and he started talking again.  


“You don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know that, but if you– “  


“No one ever told me that.” Andrew admitted, his words sudden, and Neil was not sure on how to interpret this kind of confession.  


“Then let me be the first one. I love you. I’ll say it as many times as you want me to.”  


Andrew did not respond. He just climbed off of Neil and left the room, closing the bathroom door after himself.

Except from practice on the court, Neil didn’t see Andrew during this day, like the other has been avoiding him. It was only in the night, after Neil came back from his usual run and showered, that he saw Andrew already settled it their bed, facing the wall. Neil joined him, but decided not to say anything unless Andrew decided to do so.  


“Yes or no?” Andrew asked after a while. Neil nodded, his response the same as usual. Andrew moved closer and put his head on Neil’s chest, the same way he did last night, listening to the sound of his heart beating. Neil was not sure what made him repeat the gesture, but he knew better than to ask. Soon, Andrew started talking again.  


“Look, I’m not good at any of this, don’t expect me to be,” he said “And I’m not saying it again, don’t let this get to your head. But I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love you too.”  


“Andrew…“ Neil started, not exactly knowing what to say. He knew this kind of confession was something Andrew would never say, and the fact that he did was unexpected, and he’d probably never repeat that. Before he could try and say anything else, Andrew pulled him into a long kiss, desperate yet gentle in some unspoken way. And when they finally parted, Neil was sure he heard Andrew murmuring some percentage. He just laughed and kissed him once again.

(Neil thought he’d never here those words from Andrew again.)  


(He did.)

**Author's Note:**

> So that was it, I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to point out any mistakes, English is my second language.  
> Also, I'm [spendeonswithyou](https://spendeonswithyou.tumblr.com) on tumblr, you can send me prompts or just come and rant about fictional characters.


End file.
